Smell that? That’s the sad scent of missed tiki-tunity. At this past weekend’s Putnam Valley Town Tag Sale, our own Otto spotted a little lava tiki at one of the tables. Ku -- warrior god, evil con carne.

Eager to add to his collection of cursed forbidden trinkets (I think we’re all familiar with the Brady Bunch in Hawaii episode), he turned his pockets inside out to find his flask, his wallet, his lucky dagger but, unfortunately, not the five bucks required to walk away with the tiki. When he finally returned, incredible post-LGC show later, he was greeted with an empty space on the field where the tiki table had been.

Oh, how Otto cried! He cried and cried till he actually water-boarded himself with his own salty tears. (Editor's Note: Not true. Otto never cries; he breaks stuff.)

Still, the great outdoors was made even greater by the Cocktail’s incendiary performance on the rain-besotted stage. Weather and locusts be damned!

Special thanks again to Tom “The Bomb” O’Reilly for the beer and for having us there. Also, to the rest of the boys in the Barfly Orchestra, Hey Baby, No Excuse and Pistol Pete’s Soul Tree Villains.

Tags: Park, Rain

Otto had a frightening dream, which he feels compelled to share with you:

Tags: Delirium Tremens

Roxy and new pal Debbie Harry hit NYC looking for their roots.
 
Otto Wino discovers boxed wine and wonders if it comes coffin-sized.
 
Stewed Driver scours Englishtown in search of the next perfect posi-rear.
 
Pauli Dangerously eases into Downward Dog position and reemerges four days later.

Harvé Bangwaller stops the world, and melts with Hugh.
 
Dickie Mellonball nurses his ears and develops an unhealthy attraction to Hannah Montana.
 
The LGC will raise the bar (and then close it) May 15th at Sue’s Sunset House and then sizzle their lilywhite tavern tans in actual sunlight when they play the Putnam Valley Town Day, Saturday May 23rd from 1:00 - ? Live music all day! Featuring The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails, The Barfly Orchestra, Hey Baby and more! Leonard Wagner Memorial Park, Oscawana Lake Road. Benefits the Putnam Valley Dog Shelter and the Putnam Valley Food Pantry: bring canned goods, etc. Refreshments, farmers market, volleyball, art for kids. And did we mention LIVE MUSIC! ALL DAY!

Tags: Restaurant, Bar, Performance, Park

“Heard you burned the place down!” – Dino Fregosi, Rock Legend.
 
Standing room only! This past Friday, the Cocktails packed the Sunset House to its whiskey–soaked rafters. We’re talkin’ Fire Marshall-jammed. Even with all the girls up on the tables, there wasn’t room to shake your thangs without shakin’ into someone else’s.

Then the pub-crawlers showed up. Two buses full of St. Patty’s Parade Party People, complete with the Grand Damn Marshall. And speaking of spontaneous combustion, the spur-of-the-moment, molotovic Cocktails jam with Captain Bagpipes blew the place out. Thanks to all who didn’t vomit on our equipment!
 
Next up, a gracious invite from More Sugar Master Tom O’Reilly to play one sexy set sandwiched betwixt his Barfly Orchestra at the nicer than nice Northwood Inn this Saturday Night! No cover. Be there at 10 for a full night of booze-themed band rock!

Tags: Restaurant, Bar, Performance

THE COCKTAILS START FLOWING EARLY
ON FRIDAY THE 13TH!



This Friday the 13th, the LGC are gonna get stuporstitious! We're packing up our gear and rabbit’s feet to play two, two, two shows in one day. 

First, a rare daytime benefit show for veterans at VA Hudson Valley Healthcare System, Montrose Campus.

“God I love the smell of vodka in the morning!”

Then we’re dragging our black cat bones to our home away from the asylum -- Sue's Sunset House in Peekskill -- for a MARATHON booze-fueled luckfest! Take note Cocktail lovers: we’re starting early --  NINE O’CLOCK -- and going till the last table dancer topples over.

Also for your added enjoyment, the triumphant return of that tantilizing trio of tasty temptresses, the Luscious Lushes Go-Go Dancers!

Tags: Restaurant, Bar, Performance

He’s the 17th man on the dead man’s chest, the guy who puts the “high” in the high seas, the master of mayhem whose bucket-banging percussive panache would make Keith Moon proud and turn Neil Peart green with seasick and envy. Yes, friends, we speak of the one and only St. Pauli Dangerously, aka The Brown Tornado.

Pauli is rumored to be the direct descendant of one Edward Teach, best known to history as Blackbeard the Pirate. It’s been reported that The Tornado (you can call him Brownbeard) has been operating in the North Atlantic, the Caribbean and has even been sighted on the Hudson River and Lake Oscawana.  A Gemini, sporting the rare two dark sides, The Tornado is also rumored to have a lucrative consulting position with the Somalis. Fathers, hide your daughter’s booty!  

 

Recent photographic evidence suggests that when he’s not slamming the skins with the LGC, that he’s been known to go aloft on his square-rigged ship “Queen Anne’s Revenge Again.” This photo courtesy of an anonymous officer serving on His Majesty’s ship “Doubtful.”

... thrill to the death-defying, buzz-supplying sexploits of America's most inebriated rocknroll upstarts, The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails!

Tags: Restaurant, Bar, Performance

Get your Heart On for a great cause. Next Sunday the 15th, our best fiends, The Scared Stiffs (featuring the LGC’s own Otto Wino on guitar) are gathering up a great Post Valentine’s Show to benefit The Putnam Humane Society and The Putnam Valley Dog Shelter. 

There are lots of things those poor little kitties and puppies need, so check the poster to see how you can help. And if you wanna bring something to help feed the humans, that would be great, too.

The whole thing happens from 2-8 at the Putnam Valley German American Club. There’s going to be a ton of talented performers, some Roller Derby Girls and a whole lot of people giving of themselves to help out the animals! Come on down!

(click the poster for a larger image)

Tags: Performance, Friends