Deliciously Delinquent.
The Hey Baby Cancer Awareness Event was a blast -- literally. One of my guitars blew up due to a lethal combo of humidity, pelvic friction and all the free beer that was made available to the band. But all hail King Jimmy Buddy Ox, Skip, Bobby and the rest of the boys for making a big day out feel more like a high school reunion. (You know, like a cool reunion, like the 5th -- before everybody gets boring and fat.)
Let’s see, then there was the
Spruce Hill show, then there was… shit, I
forget. They don’t call ‘em Mind Erasers for
nothing! Oh yeah, somewhere in there Roxy got
cheeky with Deadbolt main man Harley Davidson.
Scary voodoo girl!
Next up, this Friday the 21st, Sue’s Sunset House. Come on out and rock till you plop. It’s Ladies Night! (That’s not official, I’m just calling it that so more ladies show up)
Spring Into Action
This April, your favorite band of
lubed-up lotharios are gonna shower you with
love, and I’m not talking about the kind that
washes off with a wet washcloth. I’m talking
about pure unadulterated dirty adultery
featuring slippery guitars, tinkling ivories,
throbbing bass and jungle love rhythms. The
pheromones are flying and the first place
they’re touching down is none other than the
Grander Opening of
Richy’s Pub ‘n Grub in Putnam
Valley -- featuring Corona Girls, $2.50 domestic
drafts, free food, giveaways and, of course, the
mind-melting movements of The Luscious
Lushes Dancers! There’s love and liquor in
the air this Saturday. Get some on ya!
Mother Nature Called...
photo courtesy of Scott "Ansel Adams" Stevens
...and when she did she flooded the switchboards, clogged our driving arteries and dropped a big f*ckin log on our dreams of anointing Richy’s Pub n Grub’s Grand Opening with The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails' own particular brand of vicious dirty martini rock and swanky splendor. Sorry, I know I promised that the weather could not possibly deter us from rocking, but I lied. I’ve also lied about my height on several occasions, so what?
Stay tuned to see when Richy’s is rescheduled. Meanwhile, next up on the calendar is Sue’s Sunset House in Peekskill on Friday the 19th.
Snow Blows
It freezes our fingers and
seriously impacts our pool parties, but that
doesn’t mean that we go into hibernation like
that punk-ass groundhog and shiver under a log
till the daffodils bloom. True, we
do enter a
semi-catatonic state… but that in no way
affects our ability to rip the heart out of a
Friday night, guzzle its blood and spit said
blood back into a blood-thirsty audience…
thirsty for real raw rock!!! Sure,
that may be a bit over-the-top, but let’s face
it, so are The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails!
So be there! Get yer ass to Sue’s Sunset House in Peekskill this Friday the 19th and be ready to sacrifice your body, brain and dignity to appease the Sun Goddess and help her thaw this ice cap crap with heat-generating wild gyrations!
And if you miss that for some ridiculous reason like you’re having a baby or shaving your cat, you can catch the band in all it’s gory glory the following weekend, Friday the 26th, at the Grand-frikkin-Opening of the newly revampired Richy’s Pub n Grub (formerly "The End Zone") in the Miranda Plaza in Cortlandt Manor (or Putnam Valley, if you believe Google or Panda Garden's take-out menu).
That's here:
Finally, best wishes go out to our master of super-soused sound, Dickie Mellonball, whose recent back surgery has left him temporarily out of commission and has left the rest of the band temporarily stumbling around buzzed on his codeine prescription. Feel better, brother! We are!
Don't Fear the Cheer!
This is it - the last show of the first decade of the century... and we’re pulling out all the slops. Join The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails for a holiday to remember to forget!
This Friday, December 18th, starting at 10.
With very special guests: The Luscious Lushes Go-Go-Dancers and, appearing as himself, world-famous Elvis tribute artist, Michael Vegas!
Got Wood?
You are cordially invited to pour
yourself into none other than
Ziggy’s world-famous Northwood Inn, Friday
December 4th, as The Cocktails branch out and
headline their first-ever full show at this
tasty Mahopac tavern. We’ve played
there before as guests of our beloved Barfly Orchestra, but this is
our moment in the sun!
(Okay, it’s kinda dark in there, but you get
the idea.) We need a good showing that
night, so you bring the asses, we’ll bring the
axes, deal?
And
joining the band in a
very special live performance is the immortal
Michael Vegas. And you
thought rockabilly just left the
building!
Also, much grattitude to all those who came out and shook it on down for both shows this past weekend. If we can get you back out to the Northwood, we promise that the one and only "Foxy" Roxy Von Popov will personally pummell you with primitive love!
The Band Flips the Bird
First, get ready to put the gorge in gorgeous as the LGC returns this Friday, November 20th, to Sue’s Sunset House to offer themselves to the hungry fans who undoubtedly would like nothing more than to tear apart our collective carcass and consume our flesh (wait, which frikkin' holiday is this?).
Then, it’s back for seconds on Sunday the 22nd at the German American Club from 2-9 as we join the cute-as-a-button, but decidedly un-toilet trained Hey Baby to celebrate another year of the only paper that matters in New York – More Sugar. Come out as we tip our hats, cups, bartenders, and take off our shirts to the Prince of Pulp – Tom O’Reilly, with a BIG assist to Contessa of Cool - Karen Collins.
The Luscious Lushes will be there to whip the crowd (literally) into a frothy frenzy, and if that’s not enough to lure SOME of you 18,000 alleged readers out, how about a well-placed kick in the giblets?
Howloween with the Cocktails
And this one, not used. For in-house comedy only:
Big Stiff Cocktails, The Crawling Eye and Things that go Dump in the Night
Yes, little prawns of Satan,
there is much floating in the Devils’ Punchbowl
this month. First of all, Halloween comes early
(usually it has much more staying power) with a
wicked weekend of dual-action, ghoul-action,
fire and brimstone gin-stoned rawk!
First The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails light it up this upcoming Friday the 16th at Sue’s Sunset House in PeeksKILL, featuring the long-awaited
return of those voluptuous
voodoo priestesses, The Luscious Lushes!
Girls got new go-go boots and they’re gonna dance
all over you.
Then Sunday the world’s greatest undead live act belches forth from the grave to scare the pants off every girl within 3.7 miles: The Scared Stiffs return to decimate and desecrate Terror Tom O’Reilly’s own More Sugar Halloween Smash.
In related band news, Dr. Harvè Bangwaller had his crawling eye popped out and replaced by a newer, shinier one.
Word is he’s recovering
not-so-nicely and will stare a hole through you
if you don’t buy him a drink on Friday. Wood
eye?! Harelip! (very, very old joke)
Then in other band-related news
(literally) Chris from the Stiffs and his
lovely lady Arlene popped out perfect twins this
past Wednesday. Zane and ‘Nova, welcome to the
world! I’ll drink to that! Although nurses were
apparently shocked that the babies arrived with
black nail polish....
Speedy recovery all and get some sleep Chris and Harvè - we got gigs this week! (see above)
Going down brown
St. Pauli Dangerousli, a.k.a. The
Bastard of Bed-Sty, a.k.a. The Janitor, a.k.a.
The Rascal from Ridgewood, a.k.a Eaglebird
Humperdink, et. al., is cleaning house, so to
speak. The man with 1000 colorful names is
narrowing it all down to… brown.
Ladies of the Evening and Men of Ill Repute, we give you The Brown Tornado. Yes, it’s official -- we’re all down with the Brown. So from here on out, Pauli - the category five of flailing feet, the vicious vortex of villainous verisimilitude, the rum-running, swath-cutting, skin-slapper will be known henceforth as simply The Brown Tornado.
To celebrate this most murky event, we’ll be downing and drowning in brown liquor like our grandfathers at Sue's Sunset House on July 17th. Wear something brown and you just might be earning extra brownie points from The Luscious Lushes, who return in full splendor to tempt revellers off their asses and on to the dance floor -- to get brown and get down!
Spring Cleaning
Backstage at the New York Dolls show, David Johannsen begged Roxy for a photo op.
Otto Wino discovers boxed wine and wonders if it comes coffin-sized.
Stewed Driver scours Englishtown in search of the next perfect posi-rear.
Pauli Dangerously eases into Downward Dog position and reemerges four days later.
Harvé Bangwaller stops the world, and melts with Hugh.
Dickie Mellonball nurses his ears and develops an unhealthy attraction to Hannah Montana.
The LGC will raise the bar (and then close it) May 15th at Sue’s Sunset House and then sizzle their lilywhite tavern tans in actual sunlight when they play the Putnam Valley Town Day, Saturday May 23rd from 1:00 - ? Live music all day! Featuring The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails, The Barfly Orchestra, Hey Baby and more! Leonard Wagner Memorial Park, Oscawana Lake Road. Benefits the Putnam Valley Dog Shelter and the Putnam Valley Food Pantry: bring canned goods, etc. Refreshments, farmers market, volleyball, art for kids. And did we mention LIVE MUSIC! ALL DAY!
LGC = SRO
Standing room only! This past Friday, the Cocktails packed the Sunset House to its whiskey–soaked rafters. We’re talkin’ Fire Marshall-jammed. Even with all the girls up on the tables, there wasn’t room to shake your thangs without shakin’ into someone else’s.
Then the pub-crawlers showed up. Two buses full of St. Patty’s Parade Party People, complete with the Grand Damn Marshall. And speaking of spontaneous combustion, the spur-of-the-moment, molotovic Cocktails jam with Captain Bagpipes blew the place out. Thanks to all who didn’t vomit on our equipment!
Next up, a gracious invite from More Sugar Master Tom O’Reilly to play one sexy set sandwiched betwixt his Barfly Orchestra at the nicer than nice Northwood Inn this Saturday Night! No cover. Be there at 10 for a full night of booze-themed band rock!
Make it a double!
ON FRIDAY THE 13TH!
This Friday the 13th, the LGC are gonna get stuporstitious! We're packing up our gear and rabbit’s feet to play two, two, two shows in one day.
First, a rare daytime benefit show for veterans at VA Hudson Valley Healthcare System, Montrose Campus.
“God I love the smell
of vodka in the morning!”
Then we’re dragging our
black cat bones to our home away from the asylum
-- Sue's Sunset
House in Peekskill -- for a
MARATHON booze-fueled luckfest! Take note Cocktail
lovers: we’re starting
early --
NINE
O’CLOCK -- and going till the last table
dancer topples over.
Also for your added enjoyment, the triumphant return
of that tantilizing trio of tasty temptresses, the
Luscious Lushes Go-Go
Dancers!
This Friday
Damn You, Mother Nature!
Bitch screwed us again with her
sub-zero temps. That’s two straight Sunset shows cancelled ‘cause
of her frigid, fickle ways. Apologies to anyone
who came out and braved the cold and didn’t get
the emergency e-mail in time. We promise
we’ll make it up to you if it’s the last thing
we do.
(And it just might be.)
Meanwhile we did storm
Arlene’s Grocery in the city on
Sunday and raised a rukus as well as raising a
bunch of cash in a benefit for the Abingdon Theater Company’s
production of Greek Holiday. Fun was had
by all, even though pastrami was only had by some
in a post-show pigout at Katz’s famous deli. Viva La
Meat Bomb!
Harvé
points out the culprit.
“YOU! You’re the one who stuck this mike in my
eye!”
Snow Blown
Well, that’s what we get for
poking fun at Rudolph’s drinking problem -- the
Storm of the Century! That sucker blew in and
iced what promised to be a show of enormous
holiday proportion.
But have no fear, Sugar Plums! We’re revving the whole shebang back up again, January 16th at 10 pm, with the LGC Ghost of Christmas Passed Spectacular at Sues’s Sunset House in Peekskill.
Featuring the return of Mai Tai Mike on guest guitar and as always, of course... the nicest, naughtiest group of gift-wrapped Go-Go dancers to ever melt a North Pole - THE LUSCIOUS LUSHES!
It’ll be like the holidays came and went and came again! Pass the tissues!
And then, even before you’ve had a chance to clean the reindeer droppings offa your Go-Go boots, we make a triumphant return to Arlene’s Grocery in NYC, as part of a triple-header to benefit the Abingdon Theatre Company’s production of Greek Holiday (which will feature none other than Mrs. Bangwaller). That’s two days later, January 18th, from 5 - 8 pm. Also on the bill: D’Haene and The Mighty Weaklings.
Rudolph With Your Nose So Bright... You Really Need More Scotch Tonight?
(Guess Blitzen’s DUI’s finally
caught up with him.)
Anyho, ho, ho....
Time to rev up all our reindeer drinking games again, hang mistletoe in all the most strategic positions (beltbuckles) and rock your stockings off in the holliest, jolliest way we know how... by dropping our Xmas Yule Log Rock Show on Sues’s Sunset House (December 19th @ 10 pm).
Featuring the return of Mai Tai Mike on guest guitar and as always, of course... the nicest, naughtiest group of gift-wrapped Go-Go dancers to ever melt a North Pole -- THE LUSCIOUS LUSHES!
For Amber Waves
of Grain (Alcohol)...
Now that the election is over and our hangovers are dissipating (You try playing an election night drinking game where you have to do a shot every time somebody says “too close to call”) it’s time to transition from Barack n Roll back to plain old Rock n Roll with renewed vigor. And that’s a campaign promise the LGC intends to keep! We’ll be playing our usual home away from home, Sue’s Sunset House, on Friday, November 21, but then a mere two days later, we’re honored to be playing More Sugar’s 15th Anniversary Party on Sunday, November 23rd. Details are sketchy as of now, but then again, so are we.
Drink Up, Throw Down, Throw Up
Meanwhile the LGC are busy planning their costumes and calendars around the return of The Scared Stiffs — rising from the grave for two nights of bone-chilling, flesh-eating Halloween fun. Whoever said “rock is dead” must have just come from a show creature-featuring these guys!
Oh yeah, may we once again recommend the latest LGC libation below — THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE. Never has a more disgusting cocktail been more appropriate for a holiday — seriously, this thing looks like a pavement oyster suspended in formaldehyde... ENJOY!
1 oz Peach Schnapps
1 tsp Bailey's Irish Cream
2 drops Grenadine
Pour the Peach Schnapps into a large shot glass. Slowly add the Bailey's and top with the grenadine.
Oh, by the way (shssssh), Mystery Gig in November....
Atom Smashed
A Lifesize Gorgeous Toast to the newly revved-up giant Swiss Proton Beam Particle Collider which will either:
- Finally reveal the deep dark mysterious origins of the genesis of our planet
- Open up matter-eating black holes which will ultimately destroy our planet.
At this point, either
outcome is sort of okay with us. If it is truly the
beginning of the end, then we leave you with these delectable
shots of the gang at Otto’s Birthday Bash a
couple of weeks ago, where atom-smashing and sour
mashing coexisted in equal measure.
But if the only black
hole in our future is Sarah Palin’s, then by god get
your ass to the next Sunset House gig in Peekskill,
Friday, September 19th. That’s
back to FRIDAYS.
Take note Calendar Girls!
And if we somehow manage
to cling to our mortal coils beyond
that, there’s The Scared Stiff’s own Chris Laubis’ annual Birthday
Crusade happening (and we mean
happening) at Seany B’s in Millbrook, NY on
October 11th. Bands sharing the stage with The LGC
are slinky voodude rockers Black Cat Xing and
rode-hard-and-put-way-wet journeymen, Steel Rodeo.
Besotted Otto
Next up - a private party
that’s so private that to tell you it’s location
would mean certain death... so we’ll just leave it at
that. Cheers!
Stewed Da Baker
If you’re going DUI, you
might as well DIY in style — with a 383
six pak powered, 500 horse ’66 Dodge
Charger boasting a worked 727 torque flite trans and
a 3:91 posi rear. (Plenty of grunt to blow up
any skirt!) Here’s Stewed gearing his ride up
for Otto’s Birthday Bash at The Sunset House in Peekskill
on Saturday, August 23rd, featuring the steamy
return of our very own Goddesses of Gyration: The
Luscious Lushes.
ALSO a rare
rumored-to-be-true reemergence of those Bad Boys of
the Boneyard — The Scared Stiffs!
Be there or beware!
Time Flies
When You're Having Rum
Summer’s swinging and the blender’s getting more action than an Army Base Liquor Store Hooker. All of which leads us to the evil pleasures of Rum -- the cheap, murky mistress of mariners worldwide.
While some members of our favorite band, like “Bosun” Brown Tornado, strictly follow Captain Morgan off the plank, others like Otto prefer the landscape-erasing, tsunami effects of a fine Jamaican White Overproof. Stewed, of course enjoys his Mount Gay.
Whatever your pleasure, rum’s no fun unless it’s imbibed in true witch doctor fashion -- mixed with several other paralyzing poisons of the central nervous system, some fresh fruit, and served in what else? A handsomely horrific Tiki mug!
So da doo rum rum until you da don’t no more! And do stay tuned -- the Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails are taking July to learn new songs to unleash on the unsuspecting masses August 23rd (Otto’s Birthday!) at the Sunset House in Peekskill.
Okole Maluna!
Highballs and Lowlifes
The
LGC emerged
from their May mini-tour smelling like a
rose....
A rose that smelled like it was watered with stale beer for a month.
A rose where all the petals have been ripped off in a violent "they love us, they love us not" contest.
By the way -- consensus is they love us, but we all know love is a prickly thing.
Anyway, here are our top seven May Magic Moments:
1. Mai Tai Mike’s face-melting special guest guitar appearance on the Foghat version of “I Just Want To Make Love To You.” Look for more of that!
2. Mike and Andrea showing up at Seany B’s and smiling the whole damn time.
3. A floor full of ten-year-olds momentarily paralyzed by the power of rock.
4. Sloe Jim Fizz guest-starring on a Yardbirds romp, dragging notes out of his harp like a caveman in love.
5. The Manhattan Mamapalooza Project -- no DUI’s!
6. The Return of the Lady in
White, who graced us once again with her spastic
cosmic hump-and-grind.
7. And, at the risk of sounding like a broken power amp, we thank our friends who never fail to come out and see us whenever they can. We owe you a drink!
Cocktails Pound Manhattan
Thanks to everybody who travelled from near and far (that’s YOU, Philly gang!) to witness the event. Special thanks to Mamapalooza’s own Joy Rose and Randy “The Big Man” Bigness for mixing it all together, and cheers to all the other talent who shared the stage.
Check out the new photos on the Various Shots of 2008 page!
Next up: The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails are puttin’ the moves on -- moving to SATURDAYS at The Sunset House in Peekskill. Starting THIS Saturday the 24th for all you imbibers. Be there or beware!
“Get about as oiled
as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
'Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's all right, all right, all right!”
Full Moon Fever
What is it about that big old
silver rock in the sky that draws all the crazy
critters out of the swamp? This past Friday
night the She-Devil Brigade was out in full
force vexing shocked onlookers with their
hip-shakin’, back-breakin’ voodoothatyoudo dance
moves.
Special thanks to the mysterious Lady in White, who repeatedly flashed the crowd before devouring some hapless (yet happy) mustachioed man on the dance floor, right before our bloodshot bewildered eyes.
(Editor’s Note – next time you bring out the Twin Milkmaids, make sure you face the band. We’re the ones working for it, for God's sake!)
April Showers bring Whiskey Sours
The Whiskey Sour is a famous
mixed drink that originally featured an unholy
cacophony of ingredients – bourbon whiskey,
lemon juice, sugar and a yes, Rocky fans - dash
of egg white. Initiate gag reflex sequence now.
Interesting side note - it’s also famous for
being Otto’s introduction to the Wonderful World
of Wasted! Seems Otto’s old Uncle Salty thought
it would be hilarious to see the wee tween slip
around the sloop in a slick of his own vomit.
Let the good times roll, Salty!
But hey, we all forgive and forget (except for Otto, who “accidentally” ran his Uncle Salty through with a rusty gaff in 1985) and we’re willing to now accept Whiskey Sours (sans embryo and Pixie Stix Mix) temporarily back into the LGC's officially sanctioned Cocktail Corner. Which brings us somewhat awkwardly to promoting the next Sunset House Show on April 18. We’re counting down the weeks, the days and the sours till the next time we have the honor to rock for you!
The Shakes
Sorry it’s been a while --
rehab’s a bitch. Last week’s back-to-back shows
at The Sunset and Seany B’s went spectacularly
(is that a word?) and special thanks to Chris and all the bands who
shared the bill. But like all good alkies, we
needed to dry out for a day or two. Three days
max. 
Luckily we had a lot of other diversions to fill our time -- like fitful sleep, Easter candy orgies, paranoid delusions and uh... crap, there must be something else... oh yeah, The Shakes!
But now we’re back off the wagon
and better than ever. Matter of fact, we’re
channeling all our new found,
recently-lubricated creative energy into
crafting the finest LGC show yet-- which we plan
to unleash on the unsuspecting
girl-on-girl-grinding public Friday April 18th
at The Sunset House in Peekskill. Be
present or The Brown Tornado will personally
visit you at work and blow ill wind in your
general direction, which I assure you, is most
unpleasant.
Good Friday Gone Bad
St. Patty’s Day is coming
up. It’s almost upon us. And by that I
mean the oceans of green-tinted puke that will
almost certainly soak your shoes, car, and dog,
should you decide to venture forth from the
relative safety of your home this upcoming
Monday the 17th. Here’s an alternate plan --
store up your thirst for a couple of extra days
and come out swinging to Peekskill’s Sunset House on Good
Friday Gone Bad, Friday the 21st. It’s a
Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails show you’ll never
forget... until the next day of course,
when you also won’t be able to remember how you
got home or how you ended up with a Shetland
pony in your bathtub.
Then (provided we all survive) we’re draggin’ our collective rock-hard glutes up to Seany B’s in Millbrook the next night, Saturday the 22nd, where the LGC keep the Guinness Express rolling - taking part in a Poptown Records extravagasm, with international songman Michael Weston King and two other shit-kicking bands.
Erin Go
Braless!
Love Sick
Sometimes the glass is half full and sometimes the glass is knocked out of your hand by a sauced sociopath “dancing” to a Deep Purple tune.
Our VD gig fell somewhere in the middle, with the Asian BirdSwine flu wiping out two-thirds of The Luscious Lushes and invading our perfect bodies as well. The result was a rare Lushless event complete with a ton of tissues and a performance that can only be described as “classic.”
Next up -- a Friday March 21st post-St. Patrick’s celebration at The Sunset House in Peekskill (just keep drinking and you won’t notice it’s four days later), followed by the band’s triumphant return to Seany B’s in Millbrook, supporting Poptown Records' own international recording artist and UK’s favorite troubadour, Michael Weston King. Details to follow.
If we don’t see you at one of these shows, Stewed will personally come to your house and narrow your broadband.
Love means never having to say you’re wasted
Uh, oh -- it’s that time
of year again when Cupid loads his bow and goes
gunning for the lonely and unattached. Love is in the
air, chocolate’s in the box and the edible undies are
flying off the shelves. Come fishing for
your soul mate this Friday, February 15th at
The Sunset House in Peekskill
when the Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails take the
stage and spread the love like flu through a
pre-school.
Or, if you're already sporting a soul mate, bring
him/her to the show, as we will be whipping up a
legendary pheremone gumbo for your grinding pleasure.
Wanted. Sort of.
Have you seen this guy?
Neither have we. Not for a long long time. Goes by
the name of Jeff Valley, aka Subdude -- our smarmy
manager.
Since he beat those morals charges and cleared up
that nasty business in Venezuela, you would’ve
thought he might resurface, but this shadowy figure
is nowhere to found. Last week’s raid on the local
motel on Rt. 6 turned up traces of his blood, two or
three other people’s blood, a horribly disfigured
still smoking souffle and liberal amounts of vaseline
and battery acid. But the trail was cold by the time
the feds kicked the door in.
It’s actually kind of a misnomer to refer to him as
our manager. After all, the only work The Cocktails
have ever gotten through Jeff Valley were disasterous
gigs at a nursery (nothing but shrubs), a nursery
school (nothing but pink eye) and a near-riot at an
Al-Anon Meeting. Still, we gave him another chance --
the promise of that Superbowl Halftime gig did sound
rather appealing.
Little did we realize it was all a ruse -- nothing
but an excuse to get back into our good graces and
into our Band Kitty (the stash, not the feline,
although we wouldn’t put that past him either).
So here we are again, broke as the day we bought
Harvé a keyboard, all because we put our trust in a
guy that managed to run himself over with his own
van. So when you see us again at The Sunset House in
Peekskill on February 15th, please throw money at
us, or at the very least, show us your boobies.
And if you spot Jeff Valley lurking at one of our
gigs, give him the following message -- “We still
love ya man, Boy George tattoo and all.”
Chill with the Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails
Our latest poster and eflyer.
The Toast of Christmas Past
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
If you somehow missed the LGC at The Sunset House on Friday, you are almost certain to be rewarded Christmas morn with a lump of coal-sized kidney stone. The merriment that occured was legendary. Once again The Luscious Lushes stole the show -- dolled up as delectible, candy-coated, devil daughters of Vixen.
All eyes were on Plushie, Slushie, and Crushie as bar patrons of both sexes strained to feel the fur trim the table dancers had to offer.
The Band, of course churned out electric rock like Santa’s Workshop on a three week meth bender.
Holiday highlights
included a molten version of "Run Run Rudolph" and a
Ventures medley featuring our own
Sound Manaschevitz Dickie
Mellonball on bass. A full night of sonic
erotica!
Also, special thanks to
Shopkeeper Sue for whipping up the best Espresso
Martinis this side of the North Pole. To Diamond
Dirk (The Legend) Pidgeon for extra muscle and
continued support. To smarmy agent Jeff Valley
and (that was) Cole for the love and hustle, and
to all our new and old friends who shook the
room like a freakin’ snow globe.
Now on to sleep mode.
(Translation - sleep, rehab, learning new songs)
We’ll be back at The Sunset House January 18th,
2008. Until then, drink up, lie down and keep
checkin’ back for updates.
Rumor of the Week
- Someone’s ex got Blitzened and headed south
to the wrong pole.
Drink the Grog. Burn the Log.
All of which means, we need your love. Desperately. Come out to the Sunset House in Peekskill on December 21st and show us your love. Feel free to show us everything else, too. Fa-la-la-la-la!
It’s the Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails last show of 2007 and we’re going out with a bang -- a full-on yuletide garage rock thrill ride complete with the solid gold stylings of Santa’s sexiest little helpers -- the always lap-warming Luscious Lushes. Be there!
Filthy Pilgrims, Sexy Squaws
Thanksgiving came six
days early as the LGC
Plymouth-rocked The Sunset House this past
Friday eve. Not only was there a cornucopia of
Cocktail loyalists dancing their collective asses
off, but a whole new crop of pie-eyed pioneers
came out to witness the spectacle, too.
Thanks of course to
everyone, but the big
Thanksgiving Drumstick of Love goes out to Plushie,
Slushie and Crushie Lush, whose hips (and skimpy
outfits) brought fire from the sky and whipped up a
gravy none will soon forget.
And check out the gallery of new
photos from the gig! (More Lush-shots and even
some of the band!)
Next up - private party on December 1st at
Putnam Valley's German American Club and then
Hot Shots in Newtown, CT on
December 7th - a day which will live in infamy.
Rumor of the week - St. Pauli Dangerously's EMT training saved his own ass Friday night....
Seafaring Tragedy
(show goes on)
In case you hadn’t heard, our own
Otto Wino met with an unfortunate fishing
accident last weekend off the coast of Nova
Scotia. Seems the great white he was trying to
gaff whipped around and tore off a substantial
chunk of Otto’s foot before escaping into the
dark depths.
Unfazed, Otto cauterized the wound with a hot knife and a fifth of overproof Jamaican rum. The accident was unfortunate, but the rum sacrifice a true tragedy.
Nevertheless, this Friday’s gig at Peekskill’s Sunset House will go on despite Otto’s hobbled state. Although he has vowed to rock in an upright position, the band is adamant that he not bleed to death (on stage anyway) and may force him to rock seated. Come witness this new unravelling drama, plus the glory and the power of all that is LGC, and for God’s sake, please help Otto carry something at some point during the night.
Rumor no more!
in Newtown on December
7th!
Hot Shots on 130 Mt Pleasant
Rd.
Raucus Roll!
If you missed Chris’s B-Day bash at Seany B’s in Millbrook, you
missed an unforgettable night (which is weird,
because I forget most of it). Scraps of memory
include blurry visions of extreme rock ‘n roll
excess, free-flowing booze, gifts, cameras,
lesbian kisses and -- courtesy of Arlene (Her
Highness of Master-Baking) -- a Lifesize
Gorgeous Dragon cake that tried to eat ME. Oh,
and viciously good sets from Chris’s
cherry-picked band of go-to gunslingers, as well
as the rode-hard-and-put-away-wet real fuckin’
deal, Steel Rodeo.
The LG Cocktails, of course,
burned like a thousand suns until
they flamed out in a sonic supernova of
monitorless magma that somehow, but not
unexpectedly, included Dino.
Special thanks to Johnny and Thea from JV Productions for getting us lubed up at the pre-party party and to Plushie and Gary for putting us up (and putting up with us) at Club Bubble. And to all our friends who show up all the time -- you know we love you!
Next up – THE SUNSET HOUSE in Peekskill on November
16th. Every third Friday of
every month - we’re there, so you be there.
There, there…
Then, get your ghoul on and go see The Scared Stiffs (featuring LGC’s own Otto Wino) Saturday October 27 at the spookiest Stompfest of all – Frankenstein’s Fortress in Stanfordville, NY.
NOTE: New photos up from the October 5th Sunset House and October 13th Seany B's shows.
RUMOR OF THE WEEK – The LifeSize Gorgeous Cocktails crack Connecticut for the first time when they (allegedly) might appear at Hot Shots in Newtown on December 7th -- a day that doesn’t necessarily need any extra infamy, but we’ll be more than glad to provide it.
Booze? Music? Birthdays?
No
reason to skip the orgy of unearthly delights
happening this Saturday at
Seany B’s
up in Millbrook. It’s Chris’ b-day and he’s
Scared Stiff
with excitement! There’s gonna be great tunes and
tasty brew flowing all night long.... We even hear
there’s gonna be midget-juggling bears on unicycles
with a wolverine shaving contest happening later in
the evening. Winner gets to keep Chris chained to the
radiator in their basement for a year! (Don’t worry
-- he eats very little: just keep his water bowl
filled with beer.)
But come early! The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails are doing their thing at 8ish – a one-set sex assault on your senses before releasing the stage to the other amazing bands for sloppy seconds and thirds. Bring wetnaps!
Ears ringing... livers screaming... people buzzing...
The Fallen Biker Benefit was cool. Thanks to Jason Gisser for the impeccable sound and a Few Good Men MC for being great hosts and for not beating us to death with pool cues.
The Dino Fregosi Experience was everything an out-of-control, decadent excuse for rock 'n’ roll excess should be. What happened at the Claddagh stays at the Claddagh. Special thanks to Chris Laubis from The Scared Stiffs for making it all happen. If anybody found our bag full of t-shirts, let us know.
Sunday’s Mahopac Gazebo gig was very... bright. Daytime’s a bitch, but all had a good time. Hair-of-the-dog-stuck-to-some-cotton-candy is the best way to describe it. Shout outs to Scooby-Doo, for the sexy-as-you-can-imagine stripper routine during whatever song we were playing.
See you all at The Sunset House this Friday October 5th and then in Millbrook at Seany B's 101 on the 13th. That appears for the moment to be the last one for October, as we take some time to learn some new songs and replenish out liquor supplies.
Requests? Drop us a line.
A Regular Appearance AND the Metamucil Puzzle Winner!
The winner of our unannounced contest is a Mr. or Ms. S. Rarfell of Putnam Valley. Congrats to the winner of a solo lapdance from our own "Foxy" Roxy (she of the very beautiful lips and teeth)! May you two find bliss -- or your ways to our monthly gig at the Sunset House, at least!
Three Gigs in 24 hours!
September 29, 6:30 pm
Benefit for Fallen Bikers
Eagle's Hall, Ossining, NY
7 Old Albany Post Rd
September 29, 9:30 pm-ish
The Claddagh Bar & Grill, Mahopac, NY
925 Route 6
(914) 734-4192
September 30, 1:30 pm
Mahopac Chamber Community Park
Downtown Mahopac
Route 6N and Sycamore Rd
Yowzah!
Holy Metamucil, Batman!
Beyond Sunset
A big thanks to everyone who
dragged their collective ass down to The Sunset House in Peekskill
Friday night. A most memorable night to say the
least!
As if booty-shakin’ babes dancing on wobbly tables wasn’t enough, a surprise special guest appearance by the legendary local singer/ frontman/madman, Dino Fregosi, took it to the next level, which could best be described as total reckless chaotic abandon!
The end of the night saw Dino, Roxy, Stewed and the delicious Plushie Lush sharing a mic with The Scared Stiff's bass-thumping ghoul-gone-wild Chris Laubis before the whole thing basically burst into flames.
Dino had so much fun that he
invited LGC to open up for his ever-popular
Dino and the Missiles next Saturday
night (9/29) at The Claddagh in Mahopac at 10.
For those following along, that’s three gigs in 24 hours this upcoming weekend for the Cocktails, beginning with The Fallen Biker Benefit at 6:30 at Eagle's Hall (7 Old Albany Post Rd, Ossining, NY) and winding up at the gazebo in Mahopac Chamber Community Park (Corner of Routes 6 and 6N, Downtown Mahopac) at 1:30 pm. Hope to see you at one or all of ‘em. We’ll be the ones on stage -- with the guitars, drums and stuff...
On a separate note - we raise and
drain our glasses to the meanest pianist we
know, Harvé Bangwaller, who not only survived
his first LGC gig, but made it sing.
Thanks, Harvé -- we may even reconsider not
posting those embarrassing post-gig cheesecake
shots of you, too.
The Sweet Spot
We’ll make it up to you if it’s the last goddamn thing we do! Drop by the Sunset House (a delicious bar of ill repute) on September 21st at 137 N. Water St. and raise your glasses to help us ring in whatever needs to be rung. We’ll be ones on stage wearing the guitars and stuff. Now, where’s my refill?
Another gig!
See? I Tole You!
We'll also be performing on September 30 on the gazebo in Lake Mahopac during the big Whatchamacallit Festival. Start time approximately 1:30 p.m. Details to follow when someone 'splains it to me better. Bring the kids! (We'll try not to scare them too much....)
Rainy Days and Mondays....
We apologize to our friends and fans and hope to have something new lined up soon!
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Cocktails site design by "Harvé
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Management