Deliciously Delinquent.
The Hey Baby Cancer Awareness Event was a blast -- literally. One of my guitars blew up due to a lethal combo of humidity, pelvic friction and all the free beer that was made available to the band. But all hail King Jimmy Buddy Ox, Skip, Bobby and the rest of the boys for making a big day out feel more like a high school reunion. (You know, like a cool reunion, like the 5th -- before everybody gets boring and fat.)
Let’s see, then there was the
Spruce Hill show, then there was… shit, I
forget. They don’t call ‘em Mind Erasers for
nothing! Oh yeah, somewhere in there Roxy got
cheeky with Deadbolt main man Harley Davidson.
Scary voodoo girl!
Next up, this Friday the 21st, Sue’s Sunset House. Come on out and rock till you plop. It’s Ladies Night! (That’s not official, I’m just calling it that so more ladies show up)
Got Wood?
You are cordially invited to pour
yourself into none other than
Ziggy’s world-famous Northwood Inn, Friday
December 4th, as The Cocktails branch out and
headline their first-ever full show at this
tasty Mahopac tavern. We’ve played
there before as guests of our beloved Barfly Orchestra, but this is
our moment in the sun!
(Okay, it’s kinda dark in there, but you get
the idea.) We need a good showing that
night, so you bring the asses, we’ll bring the
axes, deal?
And
joining the band in a
very special live performance is the immortal
Michael Vegas. And you
thought rockabilly just left the
building!
Also, much grattitude to all those who came out and shook it on down for both shows this past weekend. If we can get you back out to the Northwood, we promise that the one and only "Foxy" Roxy Von Popov will personally pummell you with primitive love!
Calling all LGC Fans!
There are lots of things those poor little kitties and puppies need, so check the poster to see how you can help. And if you wanna bring something to help feed the humans, that would be great, too.
The whole thing happens from 2-8 at the Putnam Valley German American Club. There’s going to be a ton of talented performers, some Roller Derby Girls and a whole lot of people giving of themselves to help out the animals! Come on down!
(click the poster for a larger image)
Highballs and Lowlifes
The
LGC emerged
from their May mini-tour smelling like a
rose....
A rose that smelled like it was watered with stale beer for a month.
A rose where all the petals have been ripped off in a violent "they love us, they love us not" contest.
By the way -- consensus is they love us, but we all know love is a prickly thing.
Anyway, here are our top seven May Magic Moments:
1. Mai Tai Mike’s face-melting special guest guitar appearance on the Foghat version of “I Just Want To Make Love To You.” Look for more of that!
2. Mike and Andrea showing up at Seany B’s and smiling the whole damn time.
3. A floor full of ten-year-olds momentarily paralyzed by the power of rock.
4. Sloe Jim Fizz guest-starring on a Yardbirds romp, dragging notes out of his harp like a caveman in love.
5. The Manhattan Mamapalooza Project -- no DUI’s!
6. The Return of the Lady in
White, who graced us once again with her spastic
cosmic hump-and-grind.
7. And, at the risk of sounding like a broken power amp, we thank our friends who never fail to come out and see us whenever they can. We owe you a drink!
Cocktails Pound Manhattan
Thanks to everybody who travelled from near and far (that’s YOU, Philly gang!) to witness the event. Special thanks to Mamapalooza’s own Joy Rose and Randy “The Big Man” Bigness for mixing it all together, and cheers to all the other talent who shared the stage.
Check out the new photos on the Various Shots of 2008 page!
Next up: The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails are puttin’ the moves on -- moving to SATURDAYS at The Sunset House in Peekskill. Starting THIS Saturday the 24th for all you imbibers. Be there or beware!
“Get about as oiled
as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
'Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's all right, all right, all right!”
Wanted. Sort of.
Have you seen this guy?
Neither have we. Not for a long long time. Goes by
the name of Jeff Valley, aka Subdude -- our smarmy
manager.
Since he beat those morals charges and cleared up
that nasty business in Venezuela, you would’ve
thought he might resurface, but this shadowy figure
is nowhere to found. Last week’s raid on the local
motel on Rt. 6 turned up traces of his blood, two or
three other people’s blood, a horribly disfigured
still smoking souffle and liberal amounts of vaseline
and battery acid. But the trail was cold by the time
the feds kicked the door in.
It’s actually kind of a misnomer to refer to him as
our manager. After all, the only work The Cocktails
have ever gotten through Jeff Valley were disasterous
gigs at a nursery (nothing but shrubs), a nursery
school (nothing but pink eye) and a near-riot at an
Al-Anon Meeting. Still, we gave him another chance --
the promise of that Superbowl Halftime gig did sound
rather appealing.
Little did we realize it was all a ruse -- nothing
but an excuse to get back into our good graces and
into our Band Kitty (the stash, not the feline,
although we wouldn’t put that past him either).
So here we are again, broke as the day we bought
Harvé a keyboard, all because we put our trust in a
guy that managed to run himself over with his own
van. So when you see us again at The Sunset House in
Peekskill on February 15th, please throw money at
us, or at the very least, show us your boobies.
And if you spot Jeff Valley lurking at one of our
gigs, give him the following message -- “We still
love ya man, Boy George tattoo and all.”
Scheissenweiss and Spaetzlehoff
The German American Club
show was one for the record books. Never before has
the band been so showered in delicious beer and fine
dinery! (For the record: we have been showered in
beer before, but it was quite literally -- and
probably Bud Light.) Thanks again to Kathy, who
surprised the living crap outta B-boy Paul and to all
our new friends and fans. Especially the ones in the
fourth grade.
Next up - our sonic cup
of rock runneth over in Connecticut this Friday at
Hot Shots in Newtown!
Filthy Pilgrims, Sexy Squaws
Thanksgiving came six
days early as the LGC
Plymouth-rocked The Sunset House this past
Friday eve. Not only was there a cornucopia of
Cocktail loyalists dancing their collective asses
off, but a whole new crop of pie-eyed pioneers
came out to witness the spectacle, too.
Thanks of course to
everyone, but the big
Thanksgiving Drumstick of Love goes out to Plushie,
Slushie and Crushie Lush, whose hips (and skimpy
outfits) brought fire from the sky and whipped up a
gravy none will soon forget.
And check out the gallery of new
photos from the gig! (More Lush-shots and even
some of the band!)
Next up - private party on December 1st at
Putnam Valley's German American Club and then
Hot Shots in Newtown, CT on
December 7th - a day which will live in infamy.
Rumor of the week - St. Pauli Dangerously's EMT training saved his own ass Friday night....
Gore Gets Gorgeous!
It’s our favorite time of
year again: When terror turns tacky, lawn art
celebrates death and dismemberment, sugar-stoned kids
in serial killer costumes roam the streets, and gore
gets gorgeous! Halloween, baby! A great excuse to
dress up and down some deadly grog before heading out
with a dozen rotten eggs and some toilet paper.
Normally the LGC does Halloween to death with a
mega-party, but this year we’re laying low and
staying home, stuffing razor blades into apples.
(Translation: learning new songs.)
Fear not - we’re saving it all up for the Sunset gig
on Friday, November 16th. In the meantime, here’s
some embarrassing shots from last year’s Halloween
Hootenanny at the legendary Sand Bar (R.I.P.).
Turning tricks and getting treats… smell my feet!
RUMOR OF THE WEEK – Dickie Mellonball was actually
born Micqui Mellonball, a 9 pound 8 ounce bouncing
baby Mexican girl.
Raucus Roll!
If you missed Chris’s B-Day bash at Seany B’s in Millbrook, you
missed an unforgettable night (which is weird,
because I forget most of it). Scraps of memory
include blurry visions of extreme rock ‘n roll
excess, free-flowing booze, gifts, cameras,
lesbian kisses and -- courtesy of Arlene (Her
Highness of Master-Baking) -- a Lifesize
Gorgeous Dragon cake that tried to eat ME. Oh,
and viciously good sets from Chris’s
cherry-picked band of go-to gunslingers, as well
as the rode-hard-and-put-away-wet real fuckin’
deal, Steel Rodeo.
The LG Cocktails, of course,
burned like a thousand suns until
they flamed out in a sonic supernova of
monitorless magma that somehow, but not
unexpectedly, included Dino.
Special thanks to Johnny and Thea from JV Productions for getting us lubed up at the pre-party party and to Plushie and Gary for putting us up (and putting up with us) at Club Bubble. And to all our friends who show up all the time -- you know we love you!
Next up – THE SUNSET HOUSE in Peekskill on November
16th. Every third Friday of
every month - we’re there, so you be there.
There, there…
Then, get your ghoul on and go see The Scared Stiffs (featuring LGC’s own Otto Wino) Saturday October 27 at the spookiest Stompfest of all – Frankenstein’s Fortress in Stanfordville, NY.
NOTE: New photos up from the October 5th Sunset House and October 13th Seany B's shows.
RUMOR OF THE WEEK – The LifeSize Gorgeous Cocktails crack Connecticut for the first time when they (allegedly) might appear at Hot Shots in Newtown on December 7th -- a day that doesn’t necessarily need any extra infamy, but we’ll be more than glad to provide it.
Booze? Music? Birthdays?
No
reason to skip the orgy of unearthly delights
happening this Saturday at
Seany B’s
up in Millbrook. It’s Chris’ b-day and he’s
Scared Stiff
with excitement! There’s gonna be great tunes and
tasty brew flowing all night long.... We even hear
there’s gonna be midget-juggling bears on unicycles
with a wolverine shaving contest happening later in
the evening. Winner gets to keep Chris chained to the
radiator in their basement for a year! (Don’t worry
-- he eats very little: just keep his water bowl
filled with beer.)
But come early! The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails are doing their thing at 8ish – a one-set sex assault on your senses before releasing the stage to the other amazing bands for sloppy seconds and thirds. Bring wetnaps!
Ears ringing... livers screaming... people buzzing...
The Fallen Biker Benefit was cool. Thanks to Jason Gisser for the impeccable sound and a Few Good Men MC for being great hosts and for not beating us to death with pool cues.
The Dino Fregosi Experience was everything an out-of-control, decadent excuse for rock 'n’ roll excess should be. What happened at the Claddagh stays at the Claddagh. Special thanks to Chris Laubis from The Scared Stiffs for making it all happen. If anybody found our bag full of t-shirts, let us know.
Sunday’s Mahopac Gazebo gig was very... bright. Daytime’s a bitch, but all had a good time. Hair-of-the-dog-stuck-to-some-cotton-candy is the best way to describe it. Shout outs to Scooby-Doo, for the sexy-as-you-can-imagine stripper routine during whatever song we were playing.
See you all at The Sunset House this Friday October 5th and then in Millbrook at Seany B's 101 on the 13th. That appears for the moment to be the last one for October, as we take some time to learn some new songs and replenish out liquor supplies.
Requests? Drop us a line.
Holy Metamucil, Batman!
Beyond Sunset
A big thanks to everyone who
dragged their collective ass down to The Sunset House in Peekskill
Friday night. A most memorable night to say the
least!
As if booty-shakin’ babes dancing on wobbly tables wasn’t enough, a surprise special guest appearance by the legendary local singer/ frontman/madman, Dino Fregosi, took it to the next level, which could best be described as total reckless chaotic abandon!
The end of the night saw Dino, Roxy, Stewed and the delicious Plushie Lush sharing a mic with The Scared Stiff's bass-thumping ghoul-gone-wild Chris Laubis before the whole thing basically burst into flames.
Dino had so much fun that he
invited LGC to open up for his ever-popular
Dino and the Missiles next Saturday
night (9/29) at The Claddagh in Mahopac at 10.
For those following along, that’s three gigs in 24 hours this upcoming weekend for the Cocktails, beginning with The Fallen Biker Benefit at 6:30 at Eagle's Hall (7 Old Albany Post Rd, Ossining, NY) and winding up at the gazebo in Mahopac Chamber Community Park (Corner of Routes 6 and 6N, Downtown Mahopac) at 1:30 pm. Hope to see you at one or all of ‘em. We’ll be the ones on stage -- with the guitars, drums and stuff...
On a separate note - we raise and
drain our glasses to the meanest pianist we
know, Harvé Bangwaller, who not only survived
his first LGC gig, but made it sing.
Thanks, Harvé -- we may even reconsider not
posting those embarrassing post-gig cheesecake
shots of you, too.
Another gig!
Rainy Days and Mondays....
We apologize to our friends and fans and hope to have something new lined up soon!
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