Spring Into Action
This April, your favorite band of
lubed-up lotharios are gonna shower you with
love, and I’m not talking about the kind that
washes off with a wet washcloth. I’m talking
about pure unadulterated dirty adultery
featuring slippery guitars, tinkling ivories,
throbbing bass and jungle love rhythms. The
pheromones are flying and the first place
they’re touching down is none other than the
Grander Opening of
Richy’s Pub ‘n Grub in Putnam
Valley -- featuring Corona Girls, $2.50 domestic
drafts, free food, giveaways and, of course, the
mind-melting movements of The Luscious
Lushes Dancers! There’s love and liquor in
the air this Saturday. Get some on ya!
Don't Fear the Cheer!
This is it - the last show of the first decade of the century... and we’re pulling out all the slops. Join The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails for a holiday to remember to forget!
This Friday, December 18th, starting at 10.
With very special guests: The Luscious Lushes Go-Go-Dancers and, appearing as himself, world-famous Elvis tribute artist, Michael Vegas!
The Band Flips the Bird
First, get ready to put the gorge in gorgeous as the LGC returns this Friday, November 20th, to Sue’s Sunset House to offer themselves to the hungry fans who undoubtedly would like nothing more than to tear apart our collective carcass and consume our flesh (wait, which frikkin' holiday is this?).
Then, it’s back for seconds on Sunday the 22nd at the German American Club from 2-9 as we join the cute-as-a-button, but decidedly un-toilet trained Hey Baby to celebrate another year of the only paper that matters in New York – More Sugar. Come out as we tip our hats, cups, bartenders, and take off our shirts to the Prince of Pulp – Tom O’Reilly, with a BIG assist to Contessa of Cool - Karen Collins.
The Luscious Lushes will be there to whip the crowd (literally) into a frothy frenzy, and if that’s not enough to lure SOME of you 18,000 alleged readers out, how about a well-placed kick in the giblets?
Howloween with the Cocktails
And this one, not used. For in-house comedy only:
Big Stiff Cocktails, The Crawling Eye and Things that go Dump in the Night
Yes, little prawns of Satan,
there is much floating in the Devils’ Punchbowl
this month. First of all, Halloween comes early
(usually it has much more staying power) with a
wicked weekend of dual-action, ghoul-action,
fire and brimstone gin-stoned rawk!
First The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails light it up this upcoming Friday the 16th at Sue’s Sunset House in PeeksKILL, featuring the long-awaited
return of those voluptuous
voodoo priestesses, The Luscious Lushes!
Girls got new go-go boots and they’re gonna dance
all over you.
Then Sunday the world’s greatest undead live act belches forth from the grave to scare the pants off every girl within 3.7 miles: The Scared Stiffs return to decimate and desecrate Terror Tom O’Reilly’s own More Sugar Halloween Smash.
In related band news, Dr. Harvè Bangwaller had his crawling eye popped out and replaced by a newer, shinier one.
Word is he’s recovering
not-so-nicely and will stare a hole through you
if you don’t buy him a drink on Friday. Wood
eye?! Harelip! (very, very old joke)
Then in other band-related news
(literally) Chris from the Stiffs and his
lovely lady Arlene popped out perfect twins this
past Wednesday. Zane and ‘Nova, welcome to the
world! I’ll drink to that! Although nurses were
apparently shocked that the babies arrived with
black nail polish....
Speedy recovery all and get some sleep Chris and Harvè - we got gigs this week! (see above)
Snow Blown
Well, that’s what we get for
poking fun at Rudolph’s drinking problem -- the
Storm of the Century! That sucker blew in and
iced what promised to be a show of enormous
holiday proportion.
But have no fear, Sugar Plums! We’re revving the whole shebang back up again, January 16th at 10 pm, with the LGC Ghost of Christmas Passed Spectacular at Sues’s Sunset House in Peekskill.
Featuring the return of Mai Tai Mike on guest guitar and as always, of course... the nicest, naughtiest group of gift-wrapped Go-Go dancers to ever melt a North Pole - THE LUSCIOUS LUSHES!
It’ll be like the holidays came and went and came again! Pass the tissues!
And then, even before you’ve had a chance to clean the reindeer droppings offa your Go-Go boots, we make a triumphant return to Arlene’s Grocery in NYC, as part of a triple-header to benefit the Abingdon Theatre Company’s production of Greek Holiday (which will feature none other than Mrs. Bangwaller). That’s two days later, January 18th, from 5 - 8 pm. Also on the bill: D’Haene and The Mighty Weaklings.
Rudolph With Your Nose So Bright... You Really Need More Scotch Tonight?
(Guess Blitzen’s DUI’s finally
caught up with him.)
Anyho, ho, ho....
Time to rev up all our reindeer drinking games again, hang mistletoe in all the most strategic positions (beltbuckles) and rock your stockings off in the holliest, jolliest way we know how... by dropping our Xmas Yule Log Rock Show on Sues’s Sunset House (December 19th @ 10 pm).
Featuring the return of Mai Tai Mike on guest guitar and as always, of course... the nicest, naughtiest group of gift-wrapped Go-Go dancers to ever melt a North Pole -- THE LUSCIOUS LUSHES!
Stewed Da Baker
If you’re going DUI, you
might as well DIY in style — with a 383
six pak powered, 500 horse ’66 Dodge
Charger boasting a worked 727 torque flite trans and
a 3:91 posi rear. (Plenty of grunt to blow up
any skirt!) Here’s Stewed gearing his ride up
for Otto’s Birthday Bash at The Sunset House in Peekskill
on Saturday, August 23rd, featuring the steamy
return of our very own Goddesses of Gyration: The
Luscious Lushes.
ALSO a rare
rumored-to-be-true reemergence of those Bad Boys of
the Boneyard — The Scared Stiffs!
Be there or beware!
Love Sick
Sometimes the glass is half full and sometimes the glass is knocked out of your hand by a sauced sociopath “dancing” to a Deep Purple tune.
Our VD gig fell somewhere in the middle, with the Asian BirdSwine flu wiping out two-thirds of The Luscious Lushes and invading our perfect bodies as well. The result was a rare Lushless event complete with a ton of tissues and a performance that can only be described as “classic.”
Next up -- a Friday March 21st post-St. Patrick’s celebration at The Sunset House in Peekskill (just keep drinking and you won’t notice it’s four days later), followed by the band’s triumphant return to Seany B’s in Millbrook, supporting Poptown Records' own international recording artist and UK’s favorite troubadour, Michael Weston King. Details to follow.
If we don’t see you at one of these shows, Stewed will personally come to your house and narrow your broadband.
The Toast of Christmas Past
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
If you somehow missed the LGC at The Sunset House on Friday, you are almost certain to be rewarded Christmas morn with a lump of coal-sized kidney stone. The merriment that occured was legendary. Once again The Luscious Lushes stole the show -- dolled up as delectible, candy-coated, devil daughters of Vixen.
All eyes were on Plushie, Slushie, and Crushie as bar patrons of both sexes strained to feel the fur trim the table dancers had to offer.
The Band, of course churned out electric rock like Santa’s Workshop on a three week meth bender.
Holiday highlights
included a molten version of "Run Run Rudolph" and a
Ventures medley featuring our own
Sound Manaschevitz Dickie
Mellonball on bass. A full night of sonic
erotica!
Also, special thanks to
Shopkeeper Sue for whipping up the best Espresso
Martinis this side of the North Pole. To Diamond
Dirk (The Legend) Pidgeon for extra muscle and
continued support. To smarmy agent Jeff Valley
and (that was) Cole for the love and hustle, and
to all our new and old friends who shook the
room like a freakin’ snow globe.
Now on to sleep mode.
(Translation - sleep, rehab, learning new songs)
We’ll be back at The Sunset House January 18th,
2008. Until then, drink up, lie down and keep
checkin’ back for updates.
Rumor of the Week
- Someone’s ex got Blitzened and headed south
to the wrong pole.
Drink the Grog. Burn the Log.
All of which means, we need your love. Desperately. Come out to the Sunset House in Peekskill on December 21st and show us your love. Feel free to show us everything else, too. Fa-la-la-la-la!
It’s the Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails last show of 2007 and we’re going out with a bang -- a full-on yuletide garage rock thrill ride complete with the solid gold stylings of Santa’s sexiest little helpers -- the always lap-warming Luscious Lushes. Be there!
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